If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
