i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
