4 words: hood of his car
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
