Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We have started to decorate penises.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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