Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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