I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
