the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize