just come out here and I will go home with you...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
