you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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