Sponge bath it is.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
