if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
