turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
