What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
