how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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