I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
