My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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