So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
