i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
