I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
