so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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