Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
