i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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