Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
