So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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