You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
