my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
