so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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