i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
