Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
