Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize