I'm so fucking centered right now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
