I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
