Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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