I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
