im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need a hoe opinion
go on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
