Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
