Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Randomize
