Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
