remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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