So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
