I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
