I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
