thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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