My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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