can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
