Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
