i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
