i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
These tits shall not be calmed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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