whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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