dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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