Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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