I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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