What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Alive.
So much puke
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
