Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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