I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize
