I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
