apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
