yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
