my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
