mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
