Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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