ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
