I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My vagina is officially offended.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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