Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize