How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
