the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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