I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
