Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
