It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
